When did everything become so
typical? When did our brains die and become Pinterest? It has gotten so bad
that anything I legitimately think is cute I have to double check my brain
because do I really like it because it is what it is, or do I like it because
of the influx of pins I saw on Pinterest? How many times am I going to want to
get married all over again just to have the mason jars filled with refreshing
cocktails and the photo booth with kitschy signage for my guests to hold up as
they act oh so silly when posing with the other guests? Why are we made to feel
like the lovely park wedding we loved just 20 minutes ago wasn’t enough to feel
SPECIAL or ROMANTIC or SWEET?
I first got on Pinterest when you
needed an invitation to join, as if it was an exclusive club of arts and crafts
and fashion choices. I was amazed. I would spend hours scrolling and pinning
and creating boards to organize my grand intentions. I can easily make outdoor
furniture out of old pallets and pavers! Who couldn’t make their own yogurt in
a crockpot? I will be the best mom ever making my kids lunches with organic
meats and cheeses! However, the old pallets I asked the guys in my work’s
warehouse to save for me have been sitting there since 2011, and I always tell
them they can’t throw them away when asked because I swear to GOD I am going to
make that futon! The recipes go unmade and the curtains unsewn. More than that
feeling of failure, however, is that my creative brain is getting necrotic.
I consider myself to be a better
than average idea maker (like that?). I really have never had too much of an
issue with coming up with a recipe on the fly or crafting some paper bag in to
a gift bag or tiara. When I came upon Pinterest I thought I had found my
people. “I can do that” to the elaborate princess cupcakes with homemade edible
glitter. “That is what I’m making for dinner tonight” to the puff pastry
enveloped meat with caramelized carrots and turnips lovingly laid upon a bed of
micro greens. I will paint my own bathroom cabinets! I will can my fruits and I
shall give them to my neighbors for welcome to the ‘hood presents! I will hand
make my own fondant to lay over my expert cake to present to my sister for her
wedding shower, and all that other bullshit I have yet to do. I swear to God,
the first place I go to when I have to make something for an occasion coming or
something around the house that needs to be done is blasted Pinterest! I mean,
I get that is what its sole purpose is for, to give the thoughtless thoughts
about thinking, but my once fruitful mind has become sans fruit! I feel brain
dead because I have a slew of Mormon girls in Ogden to come up with it for me.
Not only is my creative mind
wasting away to practically nothing, I am second guessing the cool stuff I DO
actually come up with and I look on Pinterest to see if someone had a better
thought. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. When I want my kids to be
toddlers again so I can make playdough out of Borax and flour, bathtub crayons
out of soap remnants and organic food coloring and make sand boxes out of…
PALLETS!
I look through Pinterest nearly every day and
see some amazing sights to behold, and you know what? I save them. My
collection of pins are still neatly categorized in my account waiting for the
dust to be blown off and their virtue to be realized. I may never get to make
my own soap and then shampoo from the soap shavings. My kids go to school with
sandwiches not shaped like super stars and when I made my wife’s lunch this
morning I concocted a turkey bologna and Kraft processed cheese rolled up in a
flour tortilla because we were out of bread (which she LOVED by the way). I
call my bestie once a month on the phone and sometimes we get to have an actual
conversation for more than 5 minutes. I am an awesome mom, a loving and patient
wife and a truthful, funny best friend with a listening ear. I have never
whooped it up with other females in the town with an organic Bundt cake every
Friday after Pilates. I work, bitches! Who are
these women?! I really want to know if there are that many privileged women
in America who get to do all of these things for their families and friends… or
are they all on Adderall? If so, kick down! 
As always, you fucking crack me up! I'm dying over here! I feel the same way, and you already answered your question in the this post. The absolute only way I get any of my artsy crap accomplished is by either going insane trying to finish it at the last minute because I made some stupid commitment to it or neglecting my kids. So glad you started writing again, love. Can't wait to see what come out of the ol' noggin next!! :D
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